HEINUS – SEATTLE Billionaire co-founder of Microsoft, Paul Allen has announced plans to build an ambitious aircraft designed to protect Earth from attack from a giant female alien. The Stratolaunch twin fuselage aircraft, which will be the largest airplane ever built, will fly high into the stratosphere carrying a huge sexual device. Proponents say this device can successfully stimulate any huge female alien that may be attacking Earth. Once satiated, backers hope, the alien will call off the attack and return to space.
“While a lot of study and planning has gone into the need to deflect asteroids and comets from impacting the Earth,” said Stratolaunch spokesman Gwen Cheevis. “There’s been a huge unacknowledged hole in our planetary defenses. A gigantic, agitated female alien could cause untold damage in an attack. This is the first effort to deal with that possibility.”
Cheevis said smaller, scale models of the device have been successfully tested on numerous female human volunteers. All reportedly experienced a high level of stimulation that left them “drained and in no mental state to initiate any type of attack.” When asked about the tests, Cheevis, who was one of the volunteers, smiled and said “oh, it works really well.”
In the tests, the volunteers were provided with a clay model of the earth that they could smash, smush, squash or flatten if they so desired. Following use of the scale device, however, no volunteers did so. Most chose to take a shower, change clothes and order items from the Nieman Marcus catalog.
(Plane image courtesy Stratolaunch)
Related posts:
- Viet Cong vets threaten to sue Taliban for U.S. embassy attack HEINUS – HO CHI MINH CITY The official veterans’ association...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
