Getting punked from space – five cases of alien practical jokes

Radivoje Lajic, a Bosnian man living in the village of Gornji Lajici claims his house has been pummeled by meteorites, six hits since 2007. For Lajic, the reason for this is clear enough: he is being persecuted by aliens. Lajic is quoted in the British paper the Sun: “I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don’t know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense.”

Records indicate there are numerous instances of this type of galactic practical joke.

1. Russel Crowe throwing the phone. Crowe never threw a phone at a Mercer Hotel employee in NYC in 2005. That was blast from a ZuZuian OrxMaster 3000 laser cannon. For some reason, ZuZuians tend to dislike Crowe’s movies and have stated their intention to destroy the earth should Crowe ever win an Oscar (officials are not sure if the ZuZuians are kidding about this, but to be on the safe side Crowe will never hoist one of the gold statuettes).

2. Britney Spears’ career. This was recently discovered to be a holographic projection beamed into human brains by the !–Y–! people, who specialize in entertainment industry pranks and wholesaling pool chemicals. The real Britney Spears is an arbitrage specialist at Lazard Ltd. in New York who, regrettably, suffers from scopophobia.

2. Jane Fonda’s July 1972 trip to North Vietnam. Jane was doing jello shots at Dennis Hopper’s house nearly the entire time she was reported to be in Vietnam. A Xaxz shape shifter played the part of Jane in Hanoi, famously sitting down on the antiaircraft gun because he mistook it for a Xaxz-style espresso machine.

3. 2008 U.S. financial collapse. Not technically a prank since the Smersherox race that initiated the financial meltdown actually made quadrillions of Zlotys on universal currency transfers, the collapse has been edited down to a 17-minute comedy video starring Ben Bernanke that is the largest source of negative productivity in the galaxy. Nearly every alien in the Milky Way has goofed off at work watching it.

4. Richard Nixon’s August 8, 1974, resignation. Nixon was actually bonefishing with Bebe Rebozo and John Wayne in the Bahamas that day. When the president’s party returned to Rebozo’s house for quiche and Dubonnet, Nixon was shocked to find he had resigned on national TV — again impersonated by a Xaxz shape shifter. Nixon reportedly never went bonefishing again. He became convinced he could decipher the meaning of the resignation by repeated viewings of Rio Bravo projected backwards at 1.33 to 1 aspect ratio onto the hood of a 1970 Cadillac Eldorado.

5. Shark week. All sharks species are actually vegetarian filter feeders that are incredibly shy. Aliens have convinced humans via neuronic beam bombardment that sharks are vicious, man-eating monsters that can be worked into a frenzy by the introduction of blood and minced fish into the water. The height of alien amusement occurs during Discovery channel’s highly promoted “shark week.”

(shark image by Terry Goss)

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